sick of everything..

I'm sick of medicine, sick of my life, sick of my marriage and my future. I can't find peace anywhere. Everything is falling apart. I am falling apart. I am careless towards my patients, my self and my family. Imagine waking up everyday and living everday with nothing to look forward to! Imagine being married for only 3 months and thinking about divorce; at least I do not feel married, I did not even have a honeymoon! I am empty, I have no more to give, no more to offer. It's even tiring to write this but I have no where else to look for support. I haven't slept well in 6 weeks. I am having constant nightmares. I dream of death and blood a lot. I wake up unhappy, I sleep afraid. My mind is in constant engagement. I can't sit back and relax. I have had a recent miscarriage. I blame my job for it. I blame the hospital system for it. I am scared of the future. I am scared to not be able to have children. I'm scared not to be able to maintain a pregnancy from the environment I am in. I am scared not to be able to see my baby because I am on call. I have lost trust, I have lost faith.